raaven

Test

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 02:13:04 GMT

Test

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Urg.

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 04:24:53 GMT

I am having a health-related freakout, and experiencing some serious body-loathing. Funny how I don't dislike my body's looks nearly so much when it isn't also causing me other distress.

Taking steps to deal with freakout & issues that are causing it. Good thoughts welcome.

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Catching up #fb

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 19:26:29 GMT

I feel like I've spent the past couple of months (since September, really) at a dead run, trying desperately to pick up all the things I'm supposed to on the way. I planned a pretty crowded autumn, intentionally this year, because so often in autumn I end up feeling restless, isolated and full of wanderlust. The results of this year seem to be that I feel overwhelmed, isolated and a bit disjointed. I think maybe next year I'll try for something in between the two states...that strange thing they call a happy medium.

What have I been doing? Let's see: dance classes, SCA events, the Social Good Summit, the Browncoat Ball, a family visit, and miscellaneous other socializing...as well as home improvement, continuing to rehab my back injury, trying to learn to sew and keeping up with my news addiction. It's a much more full plate than is typical for me. And I've loved it (mostly), but damn, will I ever be ready for the new year, wherein I have absolutely nothing scheduled as yet (um. Except more dance classes).

I am loving the chance to reconnect with old friends, and making new ones...though I'm not sure I'm able to do any of them justice. I continue to be pretty scattered in how much I can interact with people at any given moment. It's been weeks since I checked my email - that's always a sign, for me, of avoiding being too involved with people. It usually extends to taking way too long to respond to messages or comments, and forgetting to turn on my chat client when I'm online. And yet, I'm enjoying this whole being social thing. I feel like I bumble my way through it, though. The whole social signals thing really is a conundrum for me. I'm always uncertain that I'm correctly grasping what's going on around me. It's best when I'm able to just ignore what may or may not be covert communication directed at me and just enjoy what is clear and obvious. The way my mind works, sadly, is that half the time I'm obsessing on what someone meant when they did or said this or that thing that didin't make sense to me at the time. Still, having fun despite it, so I guess that's okay. :)

Visiting with my family...was completely without drama! I was so surprised! It was still pretty stressful for me though. I love, love loved the train ride to and from, though. There's something about train travel (especially the kind that includes a sleeping car) that just really works for me. I love watching the landscape roll by (took lots of pics), I love the sounds that the train makes (especially at night), and I love the strange camaraderie that happens with fellow travelers that one shares a dinner table or a train car with. I even ate dinner on the train, twice, and didn't get glutened! It was awesome.

I've got 2 more social things to get through this month; one this weekend and one the next. Then holiday stuff w/James' family. Then, blessed silence for a while. A time to regroup, touch base with people again, and let the stress buildup dissipate.

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Out of Spoons

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 22:10:23 GMT

Mom completely wears me out. We have a great time, but man! I'm absolutely out of energy at the moment, and have a list of things that still need doing before I leave tomorrow morning. Kind of looking forward to the downtime of riding the train for a couple of days. Really, REALLY looking forward to being back home with my honey & my cats. And about a week of sleep! :)

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Social Anxiety

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 02:57:38 GMT

Though I have known for some time that I am going to a particular event, accepting the event invitation on FB tonight weirdly triggered extreme anxiety.

Diagnosis: I am a freak.

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This week:

Fri, 04 Nov 2011 18:12:15 GMT

To do today:
~~finish making chili~~
~~start prepping for wine bottling~~
clear suitcase/start packing
~~hand wash some stuff that needs it~~
mop floor 2nd flr front room
wii fit
~~get tickets for Saturday night~~
~~go to fabric thingy~~
write winterizing task list

So my week went like so:

Monday- got a bunch of stuff done during the day despite continued sciatic spasming, glutened by my anniversary dinner. Troll got the basement door handle and the heater fixed, though.
Tuesday- spent in bed, clutching my gut, feeling like I'd been repeatedly kicked in it. Plus cramps from the special surprise!bleeding at a random place in my cycle (caused by meds, known side effect, no worries).
Wednesday- was pretty generic - got some stuff done, though not a lot - until fairly late, when I started suddenly spiraling into a deep morass of awful depression. Realized that it was likely a combo of gluten-reaction, hormonal reaction, and a dearth of B vitamins. Did what I could to fix that.
Thursday- was too emotionally fragile still to venture online. Curled up in bed, wept at pretty much everything (even good things). Listened to music, did word searches, waited for the B vits to kick in. Troll & I got some MAJOR cleaning/organizing done in the craft room-to-be. Huge bag of garbage collected, several boxes unpacked, big pile of stuff for Goodwill.
Today- feeling much better on all fronts. Got a buttload of things to get done (see above), and even more stuff to get done this weekend, before leaving on Tuesday. Decided not to start NaNoWriMo until I leave, if at all. Might be a good thing to do on the train.

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Messy

Fri, 28 Oct 2011 18:15:05 GMT

I'm having trouble fathoming what complete chaos this house gets into sometimes. For these past few years, I have been leaving the storage areas to the Troll to manage, because he claims to have his own system for it, and it's easier for him to do than to explain to me. Also, because having a screwed up back, I can't easily maneuver in them without hurting myself. It's like a malicious game of Twister.

The actual truth, I suspect, is that he has no system, he's just good at finding things in chaos (he does this, I think, by churning all of the items around until he finds what he's looking for). Because he has to do this fairly frequently, he also sometimes has an idea already of where he has seen a particular item churn past before. The result, of course, is that everything is in constant flux, and nothing is easy to find. In chaos, it's too easy to lose things, or for things to get damaged. Which makes there be no point to having things, to my mind. It also makes cleaning a much more daunting prospect.

This must end.

In less than 2 weeks, I'll leave for MO. Between now and then, I'm going to do everything in my (considerable) power to get things organized. I will (mostly) provide direction, Troll will provide labor.

I'm going to leave him with a list of things to do while I am gone, as well. We're both long past the time when we *should* have developed useful and organizing habits, but I think that it is not too late.

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Tweets for Today

Tue, 11 Oct 2011 04:00:02 GMT